Let The Work of Byron Katie Help You Let Go of Limiting Beliefs
I had the honor of revisiting The Work of Byron Katie with my online community last week, and wow!
Every time I move my limiting beliefs through her powerful four questions I watch my mind open up in ways I never even knew existed. If you haven't heard of The Work, let me introduce you to it.
And if you already have some experience with it, maybe this is the nudge you need to have another look at it.
The Work is simple, but not necessarily easy. It is a profound process that will allow you identify and release the friction you are feeling in your life.
The first step is to come up with a short and clear statement around the issue.
~ Think about where are you experiencing frustration or conflict, and come up with a single sentence that encompasses what's going on.
Here are some examples: My co-worker / boss walks all over me. My husband doesn't listen to me. If I don't do everything right as a parent, my children will lose their way. My friend betrayed me. My dad does not accept me for who I am. I attract men who are incapable of financial stability.
~ Once you have a clear and short statement you can move on to the second step.
The next phase of the process involves running your statement through the following four (4) questions:
1- Is the statement true?
2- Can I know with 100% certainty the statement is absolutely 100% true?
3- How do I feel when I when I believe this statement? How do I react; what happens when I believe this thought?
4- Who would I be without this belief? How would I feel if I didn't believe this statement?
Before you give it a go, let me share some tips that might help.
What I have learned is it doesn't really matter what our statement centers around, the answer to the first question will be YES! We all believe what we are telling ourselves.
The answer to the second question is without exception: NO!
There is NO absolute truth in any of these statements.
Let's take a personal example, a limiting belief I have been playing around with, to help you see how the process works.
My statement was: "If I don't do everything right as a parent, my children will lose their way."
Is that true? This worry does occupy my mind. So yes, I believe this at some level.
Can I know this to be 100% true?
Of course not. There is no perfect parenting. I know many children who had parents that were absent or harsh, and still turned out to be amazing humans. I have seen with my own eyes (many times) where my own children have showed me how wise and capable they are without me showing them what to do, or how to do it. As I try to find holes in my statement I start to see, parenting is important, but my statement feels less 100% true.
We start to feel a little wiggle room in our own minds. More space.
I like to think of this process as massaging our thoughts.
Then third question: How do I feel when I hold onto this belief? How do I react?
Well, I feel a lot of pressure, and worry. I overthink things. I judge myself harshly. I create unnecessary expectations for everyone in the family. I miss out on moments where I could just enjoy being together.
Fourth question: Who would I be without this belief? How would I feel if I could free myself of this belief?
I could trust the unfolding of their lives, and enjoy watching the direction they take. I would feel less stress and pressure and disappointment. I could appreciate who they are instead of focusing on something they have to become. I could put more energy into my own happiness.
~ Okay now the LAST step. Finding a turn around statement.
The first thing to understand about turning the original statement around is that there are infinite different ways you could word it. I recommend playing around with MANY turn around statements until one feels just right.
When I was playing around with my initial statement, trying to clarify what I was feeling, the word 'boundaries' kept coming up. I wasn't sure how they fit in, but allowing myself to try on many different statements allowed me to understand more fully what might be under the surface.
Here are some turn around phrases I played with:
"It doesn't matter what we do as parents, kids find their way."
"Even if we don't have perfect boundaries, Kids are smart enough to make their own choices."
"If I don't do everything right, I might lose my way."
"If I do everything wrong my children will still find their way."
"If I make mistakes as a parent my kids will learn from those experiences too."
I allowed myself many attempts at rolling my thoughts and words around - trying on different versions of these ideas.
Eventually, I came around to:
"Creating clear boundaries as a parent makes it easier to trust I am doing everything I can to steer my kids in the right direction."
If you give this exercise a go, stay open minded and you will likely find the ideas take you places you would not have imagined. If we don't get too stuck in our thinking and hold on too tight, we see there are many ways to shift our perspective.
The Work empowers us to re-frame our thoughts and gives these situations fresh perspective; new energy.
Don't get me wrong. This is not some magic bullet.
But once we get clear on our original statement and find a turn around statement, a bit of magic does start to happen. We catch ourselves when we slip back into that old rut. And we can steer ourselves in the direction of our dreams by repeating to ourselves our turn around statement(s).
We CAN re-write our beliefs. Our thoughts are powerful and when we start to be conscious about our thoughts it is amazing how our lives can shift.
Practicing new thoughts paves the way for new action and attracts new opportunities. It empowers us to cut through old habits that don't serve us. We realize we can free ourselves from the prison of our limiting beliefs.
I hope this article is of some use to you.
With great respect and gratitude for Byron Katie and all she has shared with the world.
You can see her moving people through the process HERE. She has also generously shared so much of her work online. If you google The Work by Byron Katie there are free downloads and PDF's.
If you want support moving through the process with me please reach out:
I love to support people on their healing journey.
May all beings be happy.
